A message for young women in Papua New Guinea (PNG)

Today in Papua New Guinea (PNG), a lot of women are not careful in choosing their life-time companions. Women don't consider the pros and cons of establishing a relationship. Having a boyfriend is totally different from marrying someone. I would basically focus on marrying someone you love to spend the entire life with him/her. This article stresses the importance of PNG women making careful decisions in any situation leading to "marriage' in one way or the other.

However; it is prevalent in many societies in PNG that, women does not care about whom they are getting married to and try to distinguish the consequences lay ahead of them. In this modern age and time; PNG women would try to marry the elite, the cream of the crop, and obviously the guy who has lots of money (businessman), or someone who holds higher paying job/position. A lot of women make such bad choices along that line without really loving the men for who they are. True love is one thing and material wealth is another. In modern PNG, most women fall in the latter or the status of the men in the community, town, city, or the country at large - an MP; for example.

If there is no LOVE involved then; it is not a true marriage. Ladies, take note that; if you're getting married to a man who has more material wealth or the elite than you most probably will have some confrontations with other women along your journey (marriage life) or you would be the first wife after three or four wives down the line whom your husband would want to have for fun. He will treat you as a piece of thrash because he assumes that your identity, character; and personality had depreciated once you've a kid or two. (A common men's mentality synonymous with PNG's elite). Our society has excepted this as a norm and we can't get away with it. But I challenge you womenfolk out there to stand up and put an end to this kind of trend played by PNG men and stand firm on your common goals, beliefs, and establish a strong faith in God.

"Marriage" is not an experiment and those who wish to get married must be careful or not to do so to avoid all these frustrations marriage couples do confront everyday. If you choose the former; there got to be LOVE involved because you're going to love that person and spend the entire life with him and vise versa. Let me kindly assure you that, marriage life is kind of like 'a rollo coaster' ride no matter who you're marrying. Therefore; there got to be LOVE involved to bind your marriage together. Without LOVE in your marriage; there is disaster! 'Marriage' is 'for life' and it's a 'life time' thing. Not like you get married today and tomorrow; you're single again.

I want to inform those who are planning or thinking about marriage to be mindful of your choices because I had experienced this first hand in my own family when my sister (Esther Ulg Ketepa, pictured) was brutally murdered by a woman who accused her of having an affair with her husband.

(Late Esther Ulg Ketepa, middle row (right) with an umbrella with family and friends. Family pic-2006)

Esther was murdered when she was on Lihir Island with her friends while I was still in the United States. I didn't have the chance to say good bye or let alone saw her body. Needless to say; late Esther was only 24 years old when she was murdered in cold blood in September of 2007. In that hot summer of 2007; I received an email from my fellow tribesman; Mr. Tiri Kuimbakul about Esther's tragic death. It was devastating for me and for my family to go through this ordeal. Even though, it's been two years of her untimely death; we still ponder and ask; why Esther died in this barbaric manner?

Late Esther was a role model for my family and her peers and a very generous person to everyone she confronted. We miss her so much and to me, not seeing her body and had a chance to talk to her a little over three years still hurts me inside. I hope it will heal as times pass. Late Esther left three kids; Lilian (5), Lovelyn (3), and Mawa (2) under my parents' care after her husband (Paul Koim - a policeman based in Mt. Hagen, WHP) refuse to look after these kids. A scholarship is planned in the near future in honor of Esther Ulg Ketepa for her kids and that of others who are under these kind of situations to pursue studies in Education from elementary to sixth grade.

Ultimately; I want to share my story with all you womenfolk out there in PNG. Be careful with your life and marry a decent man to spend the entire life with him. Marriage is a blessing and for those who wait to take that oath or I dos; good things do happen.

Hey! I am not a psychologist or someone of that standing but I think I did my best in explaining the nature of marriage where I think PNG women can relate to. I welcome any comments or thoughts.